Goodbye Substack

For REAL?.

Yes, I decided that I will no longer be writing. I’ve slowly been leaving the digital space this past year, really since I published my finished poetry project last September.

Honestly, I don’t know who will see this. My publications rarely get seen anymore and I know that my low subscriber count (love to every single one of my subscribers) doesn’t warrant most people caring or paying attention; as if that has anything to do with content.

I write it anyways because it is cathartic and personal. I am moving on into the 3D. I’ve already really been there but I’m making it official here.

I will always cherish my time on Substack. I discovered much about myself, what makes me tick, peeling back the veil while I navigated this world. I started writing in 2023 frankly for therapy. It became one of the tools (only one mind you, there are plenty more) for my liberation. I found my voice but I also reignited my passion and love for spoken word poetry, which I performed years ago under the pseudonym “Friction.” I came up with it when I caught Q Tip on the De La Soul track, “I am I Be,” off the classic Buhloone Mindstate album say, “I am Q Tip, I Be Friction.” I jumped up and said, “That’s it.”

When I started putting out audio spoken word poetry on Substack, I wanted a pseudonym that describes me. I didn’t want to go back to Friction because I am a completely different person, my animated nature, neck gripping realism and smart ass rhymes notwithstanding. I’ve always loved my name, it is me. I’ve always been young at heart and don’t believe in aging or at least aging well. I also alchemized a lot of shit in my life and am a practitioner of Neidan (Chinese Internal Alchemy). Youngblood Elixir fit the bill.

I want to be clear. I’m leaving on my terms. I didn’t blow up here but that’s just background noise. The real reason is I’m taking on new artistic endeavors both old hat and new. Doing them at the same time and I know it’s right. I’ve never felt so sure of anything in my life. There is no algo in the real world. I won’t (WILL NOT) be denied.

This year has brought me synchronicity after synchronicity. Maybe I’ll write about it one day. I’ll mention a few in the past 72 hours.

I went to a beautiful park area by my home. I’ve been going there for years. I walk barefoot in the field, hug trees, meditate, shadow box there and do other martial arts training. My kids played tee ball and little league at the surrounding diamonds. I coached. It’s on my hood running route. I had the inspiration to write the below story there.

https://chrisyoungblood.substack.com/p/healing-across-time-bonding-in-a

It is a place that is extremely dear to me.

I was walking barefoot on Friday evening and there is a metal table near a set of trees. As I came closer, I noticed that different shapes of wood carved out of a nearby tree were sitting on top of the table. I started to fit shapes together and eventually built a sigil that made sense to my subconscious. It was only a day later that the sigil made sense to my conscious and fits into my art that I will be putting out. It is even more personal than I could have imagined. I did not take a picture because I never take my phone on walks. NEVER. However, a picture is not needed. It is burned into my psyche and body. I can meditate on it at will.

These shapes of wood in which I built the sigil was from a nearby tree. I stood in front of that tree a few years back to record the one thing I would say to the world if I had a chance challenge that I appeared on for Cory Endrulat’s Freedom Summit. The topic I chose was “Know Thyself.”

Once I had the sigil built after falling down many times (I don’t quit), I stared at it for awhile, really took it in. Then I asked myself if I should take it home and recreate. Right as I decided that no, I wouldn’t do that; leave it for the Gods or someone else; it fell and a loud whisper in my ear said, “GO!” At that moment, I knew I had crossed the abyss. I knew there was no going back. This stage of many stages was accomplished. I left. Reminds me of one of my lines,

I’m so cool I found my Holy Guardian Angel without the aid of A.C.,

That angel is me.

Youngblood Elixir

I went back not 24 hours later. All the sticks, branches and wood were gone from the table. A completely clean table. How I love metaphors.

I will return to that table to write rhymes like I did as a kid. Writing on the outdoor table, lunch table, whatever. Rhyming while a friend beat boxes or hits a beat on the lunch table. Paper (wood) on top of metal, like the branches. Healing liver (wood) upon the breathing lungs (metal). As always, it all comes back to nature.

I am in the Seventh Seven of life. 7x7 = 49. I was born in 77. As I said, this year has been wonderfully crazy. I am in Day 1 of an 8 day fast. Last night I went to a place and ordered a burger and fries (because 8 day fast dude). By the way, any vegetarians who want to speak up let me cut you off by offering my meat, cause you can get it. Especially the ones who talk about diet but CLEARLY make up for their lack of protein with sugar. Fuck out of here.

Anyways, the order came, the attendant put the order number on my rearview mirror. Order number 77.

I’ve healed a lot of shit over the last 5 plus years when my marriage fell apart. I’m 3.5 years sober (half of 7). When I went in I decided I was ALL IN. Not just healing myself from divorce, but all of it. Childhood, broken dreams, conformity. I confronted myself with brutal honesty, savagery. Unforgiving.

I did it alone too. No AA, no one to turn to. I really didn’t even write directly about it on here. I did in short stories of course but I didn’t want the pity victimhood that many people post on this platform. I wanted to feel all of it alone.

In turn, I developed radical skills in all of these categories:

1. Self Reliance

2. Patience

3. Emotional Regulation

4. Unwavering belief in SELF.

This was the cost I had to pay, and it has been worth it. I also only have myself to thank. One might think that is arrogant. I care not, it’s the absolute truth.

Some of this was self imposed and some of it was people who I thought were friends abandoning me. I bump into these “people” every now and then and I make no nonverbal bones about how I feel. My presence is palpable, they stay clear or approach timid as fuck. They want to act all kind now that I’m okay but where were they when I was in the abyss, crying for help. They are the kind of people who can’t stand to see the person in free fall knowing only by the grace of the God they supposedly pray to it could easily be them. They make me sick.

One lady said to me, “I run by your house all the time and I think that’s where Chris Youngblood lives.” That’s exactly how she said it as if Chris was this character in a movie who had suffered, not a flesh and blood human being. I said very calmly and matter of factly, “Chris is still there and he’s still here.” Considering the suicidal ideations I once had, that statement speaks volumes and I said it with pride. Also, I was thinking you could have dropped by at any time. But hey, fuck me right?

I give these people no quarter. I’ve moved on but I don’t forget. Loyalty is huge with me and you will know if you failed in that regard. It won’t be subtle. If that’s a character flaw then it’s one I wear proudly. Better than a mask. Zero fucks given.

I’m a genuine person and a loyal friend. I don’t expect anything from anyone I don’t from myself.

That being said, this abandonment made me stronger. Life is full of paradox.

I lost my job in 2024, ten years at the company. Restructuring that they gaslighted into other reasons. I won’t go into it. Some colleagues who remained also didn’t remain loyal. A few reached out to me and I truly appreciate them. Frankly, I knew they would because I’m a good judge of character and genuineness. Their actions spoke louder than their words in those 10 years. The others couldn’t shut up about their “faith” or “prayer,” or what they do for their church. James Brown Talking Loud and Saying Nothing type shit.

I have been working at a homeless shelter as a case manager for people living there. Helping them get back on their feet and get housed. I wish it paid better but I love the work. It’s the realest, rawest 9 - 5 I’ve ever done. It is challenging and testing but rewarding.

I took the motivations of people not being there for me or believing that I was worth it to inspire my clients. I treat them like human beings where others don’t. I am paying the pain forward. Sometimes all they need is someone to believe in them and help them walk the path. I am harsh too when I need to be. I dig down to what THEY really want for themselves and I hold them to it.

I also bust rhymes for them in circles outside. Mostly new material I’ve been writing. Times like that I think, “Is this work?” I’m the case manager with fresh rhymes and style.

I overheard a client say to someone when I walked by, “Yo, Chris has helped me so much and dude spits bars.” I mean come on man. Life is good.

A client who was at the shelter moved into an apartment in my hood. Love that. He said to me once, “I can tell you really care about what you do.” That meant so much to me.

The best complement was from a woman who had mental issues but took medication to regulate. She was not my client but I talked to her quite often. She was fleeing a domestic abuse and had two children. I was so happy when she moved out and congratulated her. After she had been gone a few weeks, she spoke to her Case Manager. Her Case Manager said that the woman said, “Say hi to Chris for me and thank him for seeing me as a human being.” After what I went through in the past, that is maybe the complement of the last decade for me.

I have clients who are fighting alcoholism and as a former alcoholic, I can empathize and offer direction if asked.

I have had quite the journey and I’m excited about the one to come. I feel like a kid just loving the experience of life and all it’s surprises. Even the tough ones because I treasure the challenge. Challenge makes the pleasures of life worthwhile and even sweeter.

I had to be a monk for a little while to become the open person I am now. My trust in others is coming back too. Skills developed in the dark brought to the light. Formlessness into form. Water developed into shape.

I am many things but two have always been with me:

1. I am an artist

2. I am animated

Animation requires more than just the fingers typing and only the upper torso showing in a podcast. That’s all I’ll say about my new venture.

If I can offer you anything it is to not ask permission from anyone or the universe to do what you want in this world. DO IT. Don’t think about the destination enjoy the work, revel in it. This is what stays stored in your water for information into the next life. Not the destination in some distant land. What you are doing NOW. In every moment. Have the courage to just DO IT. Other people’s opinions be damned.

I was going to write about how to be better on social media, promote unknown authors and giving the little guy a chance but nah. I’m out, yall figure it out.

I will be posting a video in the next month or so. It will bring attention to a ubiquitous device that is malevolently undermining freedom. The video is art and action. It really has nothing to do with Substack but I want to post it on a platform that can share. This work will only be about expanding consciousness, inspiring others to take a stand and bring back mockery of tyranny. Also, just walking outside and doing your thing.

I want to recognize two people. I was inspired today to write this goodbye from a scroll post of Tessa Lena. Tessa said she misses the Substack from a few years ago. I 100% agree. It is not like it was before the big timers arrived. We knew this would come but it was fun while it lasted. Those first few years definitely felt more collaborative and wild west. Her post prompted this article.

The last person is 𝐌𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐇𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐳 and his new book Esoterika. I had the pleasure of seeing Mitch speak at the Centennial Celebration Weekend for the Theosophical Society in America this past Saturday. He also signed a copy of the book. I am reading it right now and it’s contents are the cherry on top of what I’ve been manifesting.

I leave with two quotes of mine from the written pages. I truly believe that we are all creators because we come from formlessness into form. Creation is our clearest most demarcation of our divinehood. Each individual contributes their own unique color to the pearly white. Some even have multiple contributions which generate different colors from their temple. But they all begin with a voice, logos. What is your voice?

“So I don’t give my soul to the scroll. Instead I write my soul on scrolls and recite at open mic shows.

Where I take more snaps than narcissistic hoes.”

“I’m the master of ceremonies, the mic is my sigil,

Invoke Ptah mantras prior to emcee rituals.”

PEACE.